Personal note from the author

”The terrestrial human being is not an animal in the purest sense, but he is not a finished human being either. He is a wounded refugee between two kingdoms.”

Martinus

The above quote is from the short film The Life-Changing Cosmology, a poetic journey through a worldview as described by the Danish author, teacher and philosopher, Martinus, in his literary works. I saw the film just as I’d written the last sentence to the main part of this book—only the introduction and the conclusion needed to be written. Strangely, they’re always the hardest sections for me to write, but the film inspired me, because that powerful quote sums up beautifully the message I want to convey. Being human often feels like a tug-of-war between animal instincts and the highest ideal of the Good, the True and the Beautiful—and rightly so, because all three are in each of us. The only question is which one wins?

And parenthood adds extra pressure because you no longer have just yourself to think about and take care of; now you have years and years of full responsibility for another person.

You will find many examples in this book of situations where our animal side has run away with us—which often results in us doing harm to ourselves or others. But you will also see that grief and pain can be turned into making connections and love when we are able to take responsibility. So it’s not about getting rid of challenging and painful situations in life—as a species we haven’t evolved to be able to do that yet. Rather it’s about learning how to deal with the inner discomfort that conflict and confrontation bring about, so you can both take responsibility for your part in it and set constructive boundaries for others when they can’t take responsibility for theirs.

Throughout the book, I share generously my own sorrows and triumphs and I draw heavily on the experience I’ve gained over the years from my counselling sessions with both parents and professionals. It is such an honour to be invited right in to where life’s griefs and dreams are, and I bow to the courage of parents and educators who throw themselves into those inner turmoils in the hope of setting children free. I experience, again and again, that the anguish of passing on our own pain to future generations far outweighs the fear of change. Once that happens, a shift occurs and both drive and strength are released, which then make it possible to take responsibility for our own pain. The journey through grief and fear is by no means easy. My job, therefore, is to make the journey safe by being the anchor that can be reached when the storm is at its height.

This book is quite simply a tribute to all the brave people seeking to understand themselves, so that they can better understand their children and, thereby, set the future free from the chains of the past.

All the stories you encounter in the book are real in the sense that all the themes and challenges were shared with me in my little office. However, they’re conveyed through fictitious individuals, whose names and external circumstances have been changed to protect the anonymity of the persons involved and safeguard their privacy.

Happy reading!

Mette Carendi

November 2018